“Deliver us serenity. Deliver us peace. You know we need it.”
Kanye West certainly is no mental health role model. But even a broken clock is accurate twice a day right?
Lately, I’ve been trying to trying to focus on acceptance. I won’t say that I am in denial about anything that has or is happening to me. But I most certainly have not embraced this. Up until this point in my life, I have always been able to make the necessary changes or alterations in my life when I saw fit. I’ve never not been able to do what I want to do. So accepting mg (as well as a few other things) is truly a tough pill to swallow (Not just because I have MG and swallowing can be difficult at times lol).
Morg’s To-Accept list:
- I have MG.
- I accept and acknowledge that my medical chart now reflects an autoimmune disease but that’s the gist of it. To me, true acceptance entails embracing. Have I embraced my MG? That’s a no from me dawg. Most days I treat it like its a dirty secret. Like my own Scarlet Letter of shame. I don’t really talk about it. Of the people that know about my diagnosis, I will only reveal to a select few my daily truths trials tribulations and triumphs. Everyone else gets the standard “I’m ok” response.
- It is not going anywhere.
- My MG was hibernating for 27 years before it decided to make its debut. I don’t understand why it can’t return to it’s stagnant condition. Umm there’s nothing to see out here. Go home Roger.
- I am on medication.
- We aren’t talking about Flintstone Chewables here people. I’m talking 21 pills everyday. Pills ranging in both size and frequency taken. Timing is everything. Being off an hour could essentially send me into crisis and I have to take additional meds to combat the side effects of the primary meds. It’s a vicious cycle that I feel like big pharma is playing. But that’s a post for another day.
- I am gaining weight because of items 1-3.
- My poor body. You are barely recognizable to me now. I’m sorry this has happened to you. That’s all I can say. I’m sorry and I’m working on figuring it out.
- I can not do everything I used to do.
- Somedays I can’t do anything I used to be able to do. I was just coming into a bit of a social life. I started traveling, going to music festivals, training for races all that. As someone who has prided herself on independence and freedom, this is like having a prison sentence without having committed a crime.
- I am still the same person despite items 1-5.
- Morgan is still here. Somewhere. She’s in a sunken place due to the shock of it all but soon she will break free. Even if the outer appearance is altered, the essence of who I am can never be erased. Right?
- I will be ok.
- In those dark moments of a flare up, it’s hard to see beyond the present. It feels like the suffering will never end.
- There is a new normal
- Drizzy said Nothing Was the Same. And he hit the nail on the head.
- Pretty Little Liars is ending
- Random I know but it’s hard to accept. Only true PLL fans will understand my strife. I’ve basically dedicated 7 years of my life to this series and it’s over. Haven’t had this level of commitment to anything else in my entire life.
So now I have to figure out how to accept all these things. How to deal when the panic of not being in control rears it’s ugly head. I’ve resolved that I have to focus on things I can control and not on the things beyond my control.
Things I can’t control
- If and when I have a flare up
- the type and intensity of my symptoms
- how my body responds to treatments and medications
- my weight gain due to medication
- what people say about me and my condition
Things I can control
- my daily outlook – POSITIVITY IS KEY
- how I speak about myself and my condition
- taking my medications and therapies as prescribed
- how much I put on my plate (figuratively)
- how I respond to situations and people
It’s clearly not going to be easy. 28 years as a Type A control freak mindset will not be overcome overnight. But I’m trying. I’m praying more. I’m speaking positively to myself and about myself more. I’m being more kind to Morgan. She’s going through a lot. The last thing she needs is me beating her up.
If you’re having a tough time accepting less than ideal circumstances in your life, try reciting these cool statements to yourself as a reminder to just ride the wave.
- This is the way it has to be.
- The present moment is perfect, even if I don’t like what’s happening.