You may remember that at the beginning of March, I set a few goals for myself. One of my Q1 goals was to incorporate daily meditation into my routine. So after my commitment to AIP I committed to zen. You can read about my AIP journey here. This post right here is all about my meditation vibe.
Why did I decide to meditate?
If you know me I am a chronic over thinker, over analyzer, worry wart, obsessive to the point in which I make myself sick type person. Been that way since birth. Well maybe not birth but as long as I can remember. My mind is always running. At any given moment I’m having at least 3-5 thoughts concurrently. It’s actually an accomplishment that I don’t have a speech impediment because my mind moves faster than my mouth.
It seems like my mental strain has only gotten more intense after my MG diagnosis to the point that I developed insomnia. Night time seems to be when my mind revs up full speed. I’ve tried all the tricks of the trade from melatonin and sleep hypnosis to aromatherapy and white noise. But nothing seemed to help.
A Check you may not need to cash
I decided to meditate because I’m tired, not just physically but mentally and emotionally. Of course I want to sleep and actually feel rested upon waking. But more importantly I want peace. What’s the point in worrying or overthinking a situation? Is it honestly going to change anything?
Worrying and overthinking when you have myasthenia gravis is second nature honestly. At least for me it is. I always have to figure out how to mitigate triggers and think ahead for possible situations, worry about doctors visits or paying for treatment. There is so much to think about and it’s overwhelming.
However to obsess over it is not worth it. I want to master my thoughts and reprogram my mind to live more in the realm of peace. All my life I’ve been told that God is in control and He has the final word. So what is me sitting up all night worried sick going to do? Nothing.at.all.
So how’d it go?
Amazing. I set a goal to hit 20min of meditation by the end of the month. Unfortunately I only hit 12min but I’m still damn proud of myself. I started low and slowing increased my time a little more each day until I couldn’t increase it/ my attention drifted.
After spending this month meditating I can honestly say that overall I feel more centered, more connected to my emotions and more pleasant in general. I didn’t realize how all that pinned up anxiety had my bound to negativity and pessimism. Now it’s easier for me to combat that negativity with positivity and gratitude. Just those few minutes a day has given me a brighter perspective by reminding myself that despite having myasthenia gravis I am still blessed and there are more things to be happy about than to be stressed about.
It’s crazy that a small addition to a daily routine can have such a big impact. When things happen throughout my day I’m able to take a breather, recenter myself and not absorb that negative energy. I remember being so tightly wound that certain interactions with folks would completely drain me and I’d start to feel sick. So that’s a major perk. Oh and my insomnia, well… that hasn’t completely gone away. I find myself able to drift off to sleep a little easier, staying asleep however is another thing. It’s progress though.
This is not to say that I’m now a baby budda or mini monk. But I do notice my inner chi rising. I’m going to continue this vibe because it’s lit. Def one of the best things I’ve tried yet.
Do you meditate? Have you noticed a change in yourself?