Without question my mg diagnosis has prompted a lot of self reflection and in-depth thinking in general. I’ve spent countless hours asking the same questions over and over again. Most of them narcissistic in nature such as “Why is this happening to me?” “What did I do to deserve this?” “Where do I go from here?” Blah blah blah. Today during another thought session, the answer came to me like a sloth whispering in my ear.
Be Careful What you Ask for
Last year I started a book club with a group of gal pals. One particular book we read Faithing It by Cora Jakes was very reflective based and prompted us to apply the chapters to our own lives, struggles and personalities. The other ladies in the book club are all in pretty similar stages in life : married, children, etc. So a lot of the perspectives they had in terms of how they could relate the readings to their lives were about that.When it was time for me to speak, I rarely had anything of substance to add. In comparison to their lives, I felt like I had nothing to really contemplate. It was very discouraging to say the least. I felt like I was missing something. And I prayed that I would be able to find my purpose / passion/ path like them.
Speak to Me
One day while waiting on my mom to come out of the grocery store, Joel Osteen was on the radio preaching a message in which he talked about being pregnant with purpose. If you have the opportunity to listen to the message check it out. But if you don’t the gist of the message was a metaphor for struggles. Think about it. For 9 or 10 months you are pregnant with this entity. It starts off so small you don’t even know it’s there. It’s inside of you: growing and manifesting. As it grows you get more and more uncomfortable and then when the time is right you go into labor. Whether you think you’re ready or not, when it’s time, it’s time. Many women will tell you that childbirth is excruciating. So through your discomfort and pain and turmoil, you’re are giving birth to something greater than you could ever imagine. Something unique. Something that only you
Could it be, that my MG is the answer to that prayer last year? That this is my purpose pregnancy? It would explain the weight gain and mood swings. Somehow someway this discomfort that I’m feeling now is part of me giving birth to my purpose?
I don’t mean to go on a religious or spiritual tangent but my MG has given me the push to deepen my relationship with God. There’s something comforting in the reasoning that all of this has deeper meaning. That it is bigger than me, bigger than this moment. That it’s apart of HIS plan to mold me into who I am supposed to be.
I’m excited to find out if the sloth was right.